Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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