We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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