just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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