My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
