Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
