I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
