Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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