I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize