atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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