You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
