oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
