He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
