Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
