and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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