when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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