I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
