He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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