I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
