It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
