ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
