I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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