life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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