I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
