It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
