life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
