Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
