Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
