I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
