I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
