you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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