oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
