My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
