Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
