you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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