One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
