When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
