Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
