Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
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