I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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