Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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