before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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