he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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