Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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