it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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