She went from zero to smokin in five shots
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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