Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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