There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
