I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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