I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
