they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
