Don't you send me to vm
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
