ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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