i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
