someone get that fucking seahorse.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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