I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Quick, to the slutcave!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
