at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
