we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
