I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
try to milk me bitch
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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