after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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