And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
