saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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