Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
