i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
