Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
